Edit Briar Rose by Jane Yolen Intro paragraph?

I have to write a literary analysis on the book Briar Rose by Jane Yolen. This is my introduction paragraph and my thesis is the last sentence. Could someone edit this for me and tell me if the thesis is good for the book? Thanks to everyone in advance!





Briar Rose, a historical fiction novel by Jane Yolen tells of Becca, a young girl trying to uncover her Grandmother Gemma’s identity. Investigating with only the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty,” which her grandmother left her, as her clue, Becca deciphers the possibilities and events of her Gemma’s mysterious life. When Becca travels to Chelmno, an extermination camp during the Holocaust, she learns of the astonishing parallelism between Gemma’s fairy tale of Briar Rose and her actual life. Using symbolism, Jane Yolen shows that fairy tales make dreadful reality seem less appalling.

Edit Briar Rose by Jane Yolen Intro paragraph?
Briar Rose(need to underline book titles), a historical fiction novel by Jane Yolen(add comma after Yolen) tells of Becca, a young girl trying to uncover her Grandmother Gemma’s identity.(Very strange to someone who hasn't read the books. She already knows who her grandmother is- she's her grandmother! Consider revising.) Investigating with only the fairy tale “Sleeping Beauty,” which her grandmother left her,(delete this comma) as her(Try "a" instead of "her") clue, Becca (slowly) deciphers the possibilities and(delete "possibilities and ") events of her (Grandmother) Gemma’s mysterious life. When Becca travels to Chelmno, an extermination camp during the Holocaust, she learns of the astonishing parallelism(I think you mean parallels) between Gemma’s fairy tale, of(delete of) Briar Rose, and her actual life. Using symbolism, Jane Yolen shows that fairy tales make dreadful reality seem less appalling.





Hm. Very good, on the whole. Your thesis seems kind of out-of-place, though, like you're talking about fruits and all of a sudden you start talking about motor oil. It's a good thesis, it just needs a little bit smoother transition.





Again, good job!





(Let it be known that all my little comments are suggesstions, not orders, nor do they mean that your writing is terrible. I over-analyze things- go through them with a fine-tooth comb, if you will. It's just me being picky, not you writing bad.)